This Is A PSA For Ryan Tepera And All Of Chicago: The Astros Are Your Daddy


First off, before I say a damn thing, let's give a hand and a shoutout to White Sox reliever and, unfortunately, local dumbass Houstonian Ryan Tepera. The entire city of Houston dedicates this series win to you specifically. Just, thank you so much for opening your mouth and implying the Astros are cheating again. While you mouth is open, shove your foot in it you moron.

Oh don't worry, I'll come back to him in a second but, I had to get that out of the way first.

The Astros finished this ALDS series in convincing and commanding fashion by a score of 10-1. A 3-1 ass whooping of a series for the most part. Dominate at home. Dominate on the road. This team is on a roll and nothing can stop them.

Not Tepera's stupid comments. Not Tony La Russa crying foul after the series clinching game. Not even a dumbass Barstool employee harassing an American icon could distract the Astros from winning this series. This series was over the second they said, "Play ball!"

Honestly, this series wasn't a series until Game 3. Even then, with the White Sox winning, you could argue it still wasn't much of a series. That is until White Sox reliever Ryan Tepera opened his mouth and said the dumbest thing he could have said.

So let's start here. First off, what in the living hell are you doing Ryan? Not that the Astros needed more fuel to their fire in the first place but still, why would you be dumb enough to add to the fire? And, while you're still down in the series?! Tepera, you're a madman. A dumb as f*** madman.

So what happened after he said that. The Astros just came out and beat the deep dish pizza out of Chicago 10-1 and won the series in the process.

So now, the Astros are off to the ALCS. Again. For the 5th straight year.

And, on their way there, Carlos Correa had a little message for Ryan Tepera after the game (fast forward to 1:10).

Better yet, he doubled down on that statement!

Carlos Correa. Houston f****** legend.

Of course, this series wasn't without its controversy.

During the bottom of the 8th inning of Game 4, with Kendall Graveman on the mound, Graveman let a pitch slip and it hit batter Jose Abreu in the shoulder.

To everyone blessed with the gift of sight, this wasn't intentional at all. Unless your Tony La Russa who, clearly, doesn't have the gift of sight as much considering he rocks some grandpa style glasses. He even said so after the series losing game.

Yeah, no, it wasn't intentional you senile old man. The game really has passed you by you goddamn fossil.

Dusty Baker confirmed that is wasn't intentional after the game.

I love that after all these years, these guys still have beef with each other. It's a long beef that's just been cooking up for a while and it smells glorious. If you want to know more about that, watch this.

Anyhow, the Astros move on, and the White Sox go home to wonder where they went wrong. Hint: you went wrong with hiring La Russa in the first place.

All White Sox fans should be doing now is calling for La Russa's head and also calling for the head of Barstool employee, White Sox Dave, who got into it with American icon John Cusack after Game 3 about, of all things, his duel fandom of both the Cubs and White Sox.

The man loves his home town of Chicago. Leave him alone and go cry some more Dave you dumbf***.

Yes, yes, yes, sweet sweet tears of sadness.

Meanwhile the Astros move on to face the Red Sox in a 2018 ALCS rematch while the White Sox move on to cheering for the Bulls, Blackhawks and Bears or just flat out fly south, away from the brutal Chicago winters.

One things for damn sure though, these aren't your same 2005 Astros who lost to the White Sox in the World Series. These are the new and improved Astros. They came. They saw. They conquered.

Thanks for the deep dish pizza Chicago. See you next spring.

By the way, you can keep Ryan Tepera. The city of Houston doesn't want him back.


Sponsored Content

Sponsored Content